Why Are We Attracted To The People We’re Attracted To?

Have you ever wondered why you’ve been attracted to the same type of people your whole life? Or maybe you just noticed a pattern in your dating history—for example, two out of three of your exes are Sagittarius, or they all share the same favourite foods; either pizza or sushi. It might seem like a weird coincidence, but really, it all makes sense when you think about the science behind why we’re attracted to some people but not others.


Biologically plays a role in who you’re attracted to. And as weird as it sounds, we are biologically attracted to people who look healthy and who look like they can reproduce. Additionally, research suggests that people are also attracted to those who look healthy. Face symmetry, face structure, and hip-shoulder ratios are all important when it comes to attraction because these physical features indicate good health.

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Our psychology plays a HUGE role in what governs our arousal and attraction. When opposites attract, it is likely an unconscious move toward a partner who can do some of your dirty work for you. For example, if you are someone more reserved, you may find it super sexy when a partner has no problem telling the waiter how the kitchen flubbed your dinner. How we see ourselves is often a benchmark for who we are attracted to and who we attract.

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Environment and Social Reinforcers 

Beyond physical features—our families, peers, and media all play a role in helping us learn what to view as attractive. Who has loved us in our formative years, and how they loved us, shapes the way we get turned on and who ignites our spark. We often gravitate toward people who are like us, or like the people closest to us—sometimes in appearance and other times in personality.