Dating A Man Who’s 13 Years Older — Here’s My Story

After being married for about a year, I still get asked “What is it like to date a much older man?”

I didn’t choose to date older men exclusively. I only happened to date one. My boyfriend (now husband) is 36 and I’m 23. We started going out five years ago, and it’s been such an exciting experience. People raise their eyebrows when they find out about our age gap – you do the math. Some people wonder about dating an older man. Will he be better than a boyfriend your age? What are the perks of dating someone much older?

Dating an older man is like dating any other man, actually. Only with more money and wisdom. Like any other relationship, you’ll have different interests and experiences that you want to share with each other. Here’s what life was like when I dated an older man. Read about it and decide if you’d like an older man to be your soulmate too.

1. He will pay for most, if not all of your dates

If he’s older and has a stable career, he probably earns more money than you because he got a head start. Unless you’re a billionaire entrepreneur like Kylie Jenner. Don’t stop him from paying for the dates, chances are he wants to, whether it’s a fancy restaurant date or a mamak date. He was probably raised in the generation where were taught to always pay for dates. He won’t hold the dating expenses over your head either. To him, your love is worth so much more than money. He’ll probably choose where you’ll have your dates, so you won’t have to worry about that either, unless you want to decide for yourself.

2. Kissing someone with a beard isn’t as ticklish as you think

Older men tend to prefer having beards and maybe a mustache, if you’re lucky. Kissing a man with a beard or a stubble isn’t as ticklish as you think it would be. First of all, it’s just hair. Second of all, do you know what’s even more ticklish? When he rests his bearded chin anywhere else on you. If he’s doing it to be cute, you’d better expect some itching and redness where his stubble was. Don’t worry – the feeling goes away within minutes, but the warmth in your heart stays forever. He’ll probably be really good at kissing too, just sayin’.

3. You’ll rarely argue

At that age, he doesn’t have time for arguments! Your older man would rather spend time having fun with you. If you have a disagreement, he won’t give you the cold shoulder. Instead, he’ll step up and solve the problem. He’ll probably be really patient with you too. My boyfriend did that while I commendably sulked in a corner. I was all right about an hour afterwards but sulking wasn’t a nice thing to do. He understood that I was feeling crabby and did his best to comfort me. An older man doesn’t just ‘put up’ with you, he loves you for who you are.

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4. You will feel safe with him

He won’t play mind games with you. You could be out drinking at 3AM and still feel safe because you’re with him. He’ll say exactly what he means and not manipulate you into doing things that you don’t want to. Plus, you don’t feel pressured to ‘please’ him, like a Stepford wife. He knows what he wants and he will be honest with you about it. The best thing about feeling safe with your partner is going to sleep and knowing you’ll wake up to another day filled with love and laughter.

5. Chances are, the older man will be the dominant half

If you’ve got an assertive personality and wouldn’t like to be dominated in a relationship, then dating an older man may not be your cup of tea. Older men are used to making decisions, so they’ll probably do the same whilst you’re dating. They may forget to ask you for your opinion, but you just have to voice it out. Balance is key in a healthy relationship. Personally, I’m a really quiet person so I don’t mind following my boyfriend wherever he goes and letting him make decisions. If it appears to be an unwise one though, I’ll let him know about it. Most of the time, I’m right. Always trust your intuition, ladies, whether or not you’re the dominant half.

6. The age gap will show

You’ll feel a bit of the ‘generation gap’ when you begin to talk about pop culture. He won’t be super up to date on trends, especially if he doesn’t have social media. Millennials and their parents are obsessed with social media. Older men? Not so much. Sometimes, I wish I could talk to him about what happens on Twitter but it’s not like I understand everything from his era either. It was especially fascinating when my boyfriend made a reference to Felix the Cat and I totally didn’t get it. Whenever this happens, my boyfriend would say “Aww… you’re so cute when you don’t know things.”

7. Some people will judge you, some people won’t

So deal with it. Here’s the thing – if you’re dating an older man, he probably won’t care about what others think of him. He’s too old for that. The only thing that matters is what you think of him. Some people give us the side-eye when they find out about our age gap, which to me, personally isn’t very big. We’d get snide, sometimes joking remarks like sugar daddy-and-baby or cradle snatcher sometimes, but they don’t make a dent in our relationship at all. As long as you’re both happy and well-fed, nothing else should matter.

Would you date an older man? Whether you’ll find him as your soulmate or not, the only ones that matter in the relationship are both of you. Of course, everyone’s dating experience is different as no relationship is set in stone. You meet your loved one by good fate and chance. We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!