These 4 Telltale Signs May Prove That Your Mom Is Toxic
By now, you’ve probably heard of toxic people and tried to cut them out of your life, but what if your mom is the toxic one?
Guilt-tripping and emotional abuse are part of parenting, right? If you grew up with these, you may not be 100% OK now, but you’ve probably accepted that this is how family works. After all, it’s not that easy to cut off your mom – she is your mom for goodness’ sake. You’ll always love her.
But a toxic parent can damage a person – emotionally. Watch out for these five signs that may prove you have a toxic mom.
1. Every conversation with your mom makes you feel guilty
You never feel like you’re good enough for your mom. Toxic moms tend to struggle with the fact that their children need them for comfort. Instead, let’s say you’re talking to your mom about feeling depressed, she makes your problem all about her. “If you’re depressed, I am even more so.” As a result, you may end up feeling guilty instead of comforted. This may be a sign that it’s time to turn to someone else for comfort. Your mom can’t be there for you, but you can probably turn to your best friends or a therapist.
2. Your mom wants to control you and your siblings
You’d never call your mom ‘the cool mom,’ but you do it to please her sometimes. If your mom wants to control every aspect of your life – from the way you dress, your diet, your job, your life partner, your TV shows and even your friends – she may just be a toxic mom. While some children need to be controlled in case they get into trouble, adults don’t need this, but nonetheless, you’ll always be a baby in your mom’s eyes. If she doesn’t like your boyfriend for any mild reason, you have to break up with him, or else there will be dues to pay.
3. You end up having to lie about basically everything to make your mom happy
They say the strictest parents make the sneakiest children, and they’re not wrong. But do we blame the children in the first place? If your mom finds fault in your every move, you’d end up having to lie about your whereabouts, preferences and even dates – just to please her. Her finding out the truth won’t be any better, so might as well lie, and everyone wins.
4. She makes your success all about her
Every mom deserves credit for being a mom and raising her children well, but your mom takes credit for you receiving a promotion at work, “I sent you to school every day, fed you well, and that’s why you’re successful now,” it could be a sign of toxic parenting. In a way, she can’t help the fact that you’ve grown up and no longer need her guidance, so she will constantly remind you of how present she was in her life. Your success isn’t your own – it’s all hers.
How to handle a toxic parent
Up-and-coming pop musician Mabel talks about toxic relationships in a Likely exclusive interview. She emphasizes that the important thing to begin with in handling a toxic relationship (and in this case, a toxic parent) is to take care of yourself first.
“Know that you can’t be responsible for other people’s actions.” – Mabel
First of all, know that acknowledging that your mom is toxic doesn’t mean that you love her any less. It’s not your fault either. Whatever it is, accept the fact that your mom will never be happy with you and there isn’t much you can do about it. You don’t need your mom’s validation now that you’ve grown up. It’s best to seek therapy or keep a distance between yourself and your mom. In a way, absence does make the heart grow fonder, and hopefully, with the distance, you’ll end up with a better, emotionally-balanced relationship.