Is Having A Crush While You’re In A Relationship Cheating?

Having a crush is totally normal, but is it scandalous if you have a crush while you’re in a relationship? Be honest, most of us must have at least once checked some stranger out on the streets. Maybe even that cute colleague at the office!

Wait, isn’t that like cheating? It’s not like you want to be with the guy!

Yes, it is absolutely NORMAL

It doesn’t mean that your relationship is on the rocks or that you don’t love your man. According to psychologist Samantha Rodman, developing crushes are common especially for couples who have been together for a long time.

She tells HuffPost, “It’s very normal and may have nothing to do with happiness in the relationship overall. Crushes make people feel attractive and alive, and people often get them even when they are very committed to their partners, but the relationship is no longer in that swooning honeymoon phase.”

Why do we develop crushes when we’re in a relationship – shouldn’t we be obsessed with our partner? 

Again it’s harmless and usually just a touch and go kind of thing. Unless we choose to feed into the crush. If you do, there’s probably a reason for it. For instance, you could be trying to fill in a hole that your relationship is missing. Perhaps you feel neglected.

Psychologist Ryan Howes commented, “People often talk about the crush meeting needs that aren’t being met in the committed relationship. The relationship has become routine or boring, for example, but their interactions with their crush are fun and exciting. Or their partner doesn’t share an interest in movies, but the crush loves movies and wants to talk about them all the time.”

It’s only bad if it crosses the line with an emotional affair 

Question yourself, “When you receive news (good/bad), is your first instinct to tell your crush or your partner? Howes said, “A mentor once told me, ‘You know you’re a good fit when your partner is the first person you want to tell good news, and the first you want to tell bad news.”

“Is that confidant your partner or your crush? If your crush begins to compromise the physical or emotional intimacy you have with your primary relationship, or you’re stoking fantasies about that happening, you’re in dangerous territory.

So now that we’ve clarified the boundary of having a crush while you’re in a relationship, what about using dating apps? Does that count as cheating if you’re in a relationship? Here’s what our dating coach, Suki has to say about it.